Today, on Easter Sunday, a day that I associate with rebirth and renewal, I wanted to take a moment to share some learnings from my recent 'healing crisis'. It was a ROUGH winter for many of us and I know that many students, friends and clients suffered from a wide variety of bizarre illnesses that seemed to last for weeks on end. If you count yourself among those who made it through the New England winter without getting sick, I bow to you.
What I thought was a virus or bacterial infection in my lungs, turned out to be a fairly serious Thyroid problem, accompanied by very unsettling heart arrhythmia and a variety of other lovely anxiety-producing symptoms, that may have been brewing for months. I was so run down, burned out and insanely busy that I didn't even stop to think that I was sick or that I might need to STOP and investigate what was wrong with me, even though my body was wisely giving me every signal in the world! What I realized is that we live in an adrenalin-adicted world which praises productivity, busyness and doing more and more and more. Being over-caffeinated, productive and efficient is highly praised while being calm, peaceful and unhurried is looked upon as lazy or deficient in some way. This is one of the differences between Eastern and Western Culture. Sometimes it brings us to a breaking point.
If we get off the doing-working-busy-aholic carousel, we are forced to be with ourselves- yes, all of our true and real feelings, thoughts and emotions. Being excessively busy (even busy doing something that is supposedly healing) does not leave a lot of room for being real, authentic and in our integrity. It's easy to push back the tidal wave of all our burgeoning feelings and stuff them with food, work, alcohol, internet compulsion/addiction or...fill in your favorite...until the damn breaks. It kind of works until it doesn't anymore and our bodies scream, 'Enough is enough!' This is pretty much what happened to me.
Here is the Equation as I experienced it:
Unwillingness/fear of facing raw TRUE feelings + Fear of speaking my Truth DROVE my Social Self to:
Rev up on work, commitments, over-busy schedule (yes, even as a healer/yogini/life coach) in a fruitless effort TO SEEK: Temporary Relief from suffering but this didn't really work and actually created:
Body rebellion & breakdown, exhaustion, illness, and CRISIS leading to:
More fear, anxiety, confusion, and suffering. Sounds perfectly sane and lovely right??!!
Until... I slowed down and began to listen to the suffering as a blinking red light and tough-love teacher that is only trying to steer us in the direction of our right life.
Does this equation sound at all familiar to any of you? Have you experienced this at any point in your own life? I think one of the big turnarounds in my healing process began on my mother's massage table where she offered me a Reiki Treatment. Despite exhaustion, fear and a wildly crazy heart (beating erratically) I finally surrendered. It was time to turn the boat around. It was time to listen to my own wise, benevolent, trustworthy, beautiful body and soul.
Listening to myself & honoring my Truth has lead to many changes that I am still implementing and exploring as thoroughly as I can. For me my beneficent healing crisis (and I don't mean that sarcastically, I am really really grateful it happened) means:
* Taking time to be in stillness every morning for at least 10 minutes (sometimes longer) to breath, rest, and touch base with myself and reset my inner compass for the day.
* Eating only that which nourishes me on all levels- noticing what feels like poison, and what feels like nectar (and I'm not just talking about food, although that is important to)
* Choosing peace and calm over fear or anxiety...and doing this many times throughout the day.
CALM ALL FEAR is my Martha Beck inspired Mantra.
* Letting go and allowing for things to change, flow and release (even things I once loved or still really love). Realigning my schedule to serve myself (and as a result everyone around me) better.
* Deeply questioning past conditioning or current beliefs that are not true.
* Rooting out places where I am out of integrity with myself or others.
I love the image of Kali's scalpel-like precision for this practice.
* TRUSTING, TRUSTING, TRUSTING in my body and in my Essential Self.
* Dropping out of my head and into my heart (over and over again).
* Loving myself through it all- not throwing more arrows at myself when I mess up.
* Releasing the toxic burdens of guilt, shame and self-judement.
* Going to be earlier and prioritizing my health and well-being over anything else.
* Putting my own oxygen mask on first before I try putting on anyone else's.
* Asking myself 'What is my next best step?' and being okay if the answer is, 'I have no clue!'
When we let go of the cultural conditioning that tells us to constantly do more and accomplish more and we move into a way of experiencing the world that feels joyful, aligned, RIGHT, true, playful, easy, cozy,
cuddly, compassionate, grateful, alive, shimmering and vibrating with PEACE- magical things begin to happen. When we try LESS hard and allow for more PLAY & fun, joy and ease we just might find ourselves 'mysteriously' attracting:
* More financial abundance
* Balanced health
* Inner radiance
* An attitude of deep gratitude
* Relationships aligned with our core values
* Increased experiences of synchronicity and magic
* The capacity to create lasting change
I'm telling the truth when I say THIS REALLY WORKS!!! When I was literally sick in bed and sleeping for hours on end (definitely not working) I started attracting all these new coaching clients, and laying there doing nothing, my retreats and workshops started filling. Everything seemed to be working in the opposite direction! I know this has to do with the fact that I was willing to be honest with myself, to allow for change and to let go of some things that were no longer serving me. Now, I'm creating new equations like this one:
Letting go, being calm and doing less= greater alignment, freedom, abundance and joy!
Have you ever had or are you currently experiencing some kind of Beneficent Healing Crisis?
I'd love to hear from you (click on comments to post)
In Deepest Love & Gratitude,
Wanting some personal support & guidance on your path? Check out my one on one Soul Coaching Sessions or Soul Support Groups.
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